The Orange Cat in The Room: Garfield and Friends Part I

Jim Davis is a famous cartoonist, but few realize that he is a James A. Garfield expert, though he doesn't admit to it or return my phone calls. He publishes most of his work in that field of the 20th president in the comic strip Garfield, and to a lesser extent the TV show Garfield and Friends.

Davis wrote several comic strips and books about Garfield the cat but the most notable is the book Garfield: His 9 Lives. In this comic the cat, Garfield, comes into contact with an evil spirit that causes him to kill the old woman that owned him. Slaughtering his owner, he is given over to feelings of fear for tapping into some otherworldly force inside him.

What actually happened, as inferred from this story, James A. Garfield was actually killed later in a great struggle by otherworldly forces. The truth of these events is interpreted from the Jim Davis' collections, starting with Garfield at Large and ending with the His 9 Lives.

The story, an epic secret war against a confederation of the Southern Sympathizers of Andromeda and The Knights of the Golden Circle, led by Maximilian I of Mexico.

The Knights of the Golden Circle was founded by George W. L. Bickley, an Indiana doctor and weird guy, its primary goal was to establish a sovereign slave nation that would encompass southern slave states, Mexico, the Caribbean, and Central America. This slave empire would be referred to as the "Golden Circle" and be ruled over by the Emperor of the Mexican Empire, Maximilian I.

Ultimately, the KGC would dissolve in 1863 and Maximilian I would be executed by the Mexican Republic a few years later.

Or so the world thought...

In truth, the KCG would be contacted during the Civil War by a group of alien slaveholders, identified only as the Southern Sympathizers of Andromeda, or the SSA, from the galaxy Andromeda, the closest galaxy to Earth. During an attempt to build a device that would turn his urine into rue whiskey, George W. L. Bickley created a long-range micron telescope that would record and transmit the ideals of the KCG to the Andromeda galaxy, plus force him to drink large quantities of his urine. This led to first contact between humanity and alien species and an evil that threatened the universe.

During the Civil War, the organizations would join forces to undermine the union, an organization they would call the Golden Knights of Andromeda LTD., The GKA would export Civil War prisoners and slaves to work in the asteroid minefields, while funneling the profit back to Jefferson Davis, the Confederate president, though the Confederates were not a part of the KGC or the GKA.

The war would ultimately be lost and members of the KGC would flee to Andromeda with their remaining slaves, to leave on space plantations and drink space mint juleps, using Bickley's special reserve liquors from his automatic mint julep machine, which is similar to the device used in a colonoscopy, with a similar process.

Before leaving Earth, Emperor Maximilian I created a clone of himself to rule in his stead, knowing that the poor clone would be killed. Maximilian would be crowned the emperor of Andromeda, after merging himself with the previous emperor, creating a large wave of purple sentient slime that would devour all who opposed it.

Meanwhile on Earth...

After the Civil War, Garfield would go back to politics and the new ruler of a space empire would enslave Andromeda and bring a massive space armada to the outer rim of the Milky Way galaxy.

Its goal, a second American Civil War, but with aliens.

OH, and robots too, I forgot to mention that there are robot warlords.

And, cyborgs...


And ghost.

I Hate Mondays: The Real Story of President James A. Garfield's Assassination?

Many people believe that James A. Garfield, the 20th president not the cat, was shot by Charles J.
Guiteau at a train station in Washington D.C. on July 2, 1881. But is that what really happened?

The answer, in short, is yes.

But what most people don't know, because of learning disabilities, is that President Garfield would
live for over 11 weeks after being shot. What happened in those weeks and why did he end up dying? Some would argue that it is strange for a man to die so many months after a seemingly failed assassination attempt? And others would argue that my collector's edition Fraggle Rock lunch pals are overpriced on E bay? But those people are crazy!

The Smithsonian would like you to believe that he died of complications from the wound being infected but they are really stupid. The "curator" there was unable to answer the hard questions that I posed to him and instead had me banned and arrested for "public indecency." So, where outside the governmental circle can the answer be found?

The answer to my question can be found in an unlikely source, Garfield, the famous comic strip by cartoonist, and James A. Garfield expert, Jim Davis. I will show in my upcoming blog how these cartoons point to a conspiracy that not only transcends the government of the United States but of the realms of the Galaxy!


On a personal note, I would like to say that I very much enjoy the cartoon, Garfield and Friends, and in no way am slandering the show with the opening joke. My neighbor, whom steals my mail, asked me to include that.